I was invited to a party yesterday. YEAH!!!! And what a party, wow! How did I get invited to a party? I never go to parties. Well I just happened to fly past the Hadi Hospital and I met these twins, Coo and Koo, so we got to talking.  Well Coo was the real chatterbox and she went on and on and on and on about what she did, where she lived, her friends and so on. Koo was the silent one and all she kept doing was primping her feathers and scratching her nails, well buffing them I suppose. Well Coo was ranting on and Koo suddenly broke in with "Hey, we're have a few friends over this afternoon? Are you game?" and I thought "What else have I got to lose". So I went. There were a few others there at the time and they were all chattering away, guzzling seeds and milling around. We had some 'refreshments' (nudge nudge wink wink) and in no time at all we were all very happy and there was quite a bit of action.  There must have been a celebrity or two at the party as I noticed some shady types in the bushes, they looked like papparazzi, and I distinctly saw a flash. Gosh, will I get into the papers?  I met a  'bloke' at the party, wow!!! Lovely. But he didn't seem to interested in me. I kept giving him the eye and batting my eyelashes, to no avail. But he did ask me one question which might indicate some interest. He asked if there were any nice chics at the party.We kept getting interrupted by this band of sparrows who were sprinting in and out trying to get our party food. Such vermin those sparrows. One little sparrow took quite a fancy to me and he kept flying up to me and propositioning me and I had to chase him away as I'm not really into that sort of thing (I did drop a hint about where I lived though, just in case, mustn't waste opportunities). Anyway, the party went on until everyone was totally legless, the dog (there was a saluki there) and the cat (a toothless siamese) had fled in panic and hid themselves in some dark recess, and then, one by one we started to leave. It took me an hour to get home as my homing device had gone wonky and I ended up perched on a pylon on the other side of the motorway. Into bed as soon as I got back, skipped the poopile (at the party we'd already taken care of that sort of thing and had had a hilarious time dropping 'loads' on unsuspecting human passersby as well as the dog and cat. We were crying with laughter especially when we carried out an aerial bombardment of some old man walking down the road with his stick and then trying to run away from the dropped loads, waving his stick at us. Oh me oh my, what a night.

Itchy

 Humid

Ooooh...itchy....itchy....itchy this morning. Hate it. Itchy and scratchy! Do I have bed bugs? Or something escdaping from the poopile?

Funny weather this morning, it is a bit dark but there aren't any clouds? Not going out in this and a

nyway, the traffic looks too heavy. I shall stay in and mope.

I didn't go out much yesterday as it was humid. I don't like humidity. Makes my feathers damp and I get stinky. Stinkier than the poopile. I can't stand the smell of pigeons. Yuck.

Misery

...raining in my heart......oh, oh misery, oh you misery...... whaaaat's gonna becooome... of meeeeeeeee..

Yes, you guessed it, another miserable morning. I tried jumping up and down and energising myself, but I feel miz! I hate being a horrible pigeon, getting discriminated against, feeling like a rodent.......

AND, I WANT A SIGNIFICANT OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where can I get one? Marina Mall? The Avenues?

Oh bugger, who'd want a grizzly brown pigeon anyway? Too old, not attractive enough, not rich enough. I just sit here, day after day, unloved.

Depression

I fussed over the Poopile this morning, fluffing up the feathers, pulling out bits that shouldn't have been there, patting down rough edges and it looked quite nice and round after all my ministrations.

I then settled in the corner of the ledge, exhausted and just kept one eye open so that I could see what was going on in the car park. I almost fell asleep but was rudely awakened by some loud tooting of horns so I had to jump up, stretch and do a little exercise. the rest of the day was uneventful, just ugly mugs going back and forth, in and out of the school.  Decided I'd had enough for the day.

 

I got depressed later on because nobody loves me.  I am a nobody, a stupid brown nobody who sits on a ledge all day long, everybody else having a wonderful life, enjoying themselves, laughing, being visited by family and friends, and me, I just sit here like some stupid dumb pigeon....Oh me.......Oh my.......life is a bitch!

Thursday 23rd

I am sick of this country.  Everyone is going on about Sunni/Shia Sunni/Shia and I was watching the telly (through the window of my ledge,) and on Aljazeera channel, there was this programme about the problems between Shia and Sunnah. Since when have we had problems.  And it all came to a head when this dork, Yassir Habeeb, from Kuwait, said some rude things about the prophet's wife?  That set everyone off.  I’m just wondering what the dork Yasser thought he would achieve for world peace by being so rude  about members of the prophet’s family?  His own religion too!! How has he improved the world by what he said?  Insane! Really insane!!!!!! Next, lots of unsavoury types in Jahra starting having demonstrations (I flew there the other day, what a load of hoi polloi).
What is this place coming to? The country has changed! Lunatics inciting rifts in society and hoi polloi  tearing their hair out!!!!

Went to Beirut!!!!!

I had a reasonable night and woke up early to the tooting of car horns and guess what, it is the Nun’s school parents again, driving chaotically, behaving like savages (which they are of course so they can’t be blamed) and breaking every single traffic law you can think of.  First of all, there is a NO ENTRY sign at the top of the road which obviously means NO ENTRY, but what do we get, Neanderthals (sorry Neanderthals) shoving and squeezing their way down the road, causing disruption, a cacophony of car horns, screaming drivers and hot tempers.  I saw one person tell one woman she was coming down the wrong way and she gestured obscenely with her hand!  And she was veiled, probably to hide an ugly face.  What arrogance, to think that traffic laws are there for her to break. Unfortunately that seems to be the general attitude here. Stuff the laws, they don’t apply to me, but of course everyone else has to follow them.  So if that ugly Neanderthal coming down the road the wrong way, one day comes down the right way and meets someone coming the wrong way, then she will almost certainly give them what for!  I disappeared from my perch early as I couldn’t face the screeching pithecanthropus’s.

I must swat up on that book of ‘…….In 12 Easy Lessons.”

Groaaaan!!!!! I hate life, life is a bitch.  I feel miserable this morning and don't ask me why.  I've been feeling miserable since yesterday and all through the afternoon I felt listless and lacklustre.

I shifted from the poo pile and squeezed into the other corner of the ledge, and this morning I went out early, looked for breakfast, lost interest and went back to the perch.  I'm going to spend the rest of the day staring into space.

18th september

 

That tummy bug has really got to me, I have spent the better part of the weekend rushing to and from the poo pile.  I have even thought of transferring my living room to that side of the ledge. What a bore, I feel weak and breakfast on Saturday was a speedy affair as I had to rush back to the loo.

The weather has improved and I don't have to squeeze myself into the corner to avoid the day's heat anymore.  Hopefully my tum will improve and I'll be able to go out more.

I saw two of the three stooges (N and R) in the school yard on thursday afternoon. What a hoot that was, they were cycling round and round the yard and one of them was obviously a learner as her bike frequently went into uncontrollable wobbles. N cycled around giggling hysterically and snapping shots of R. They were joined by someone else, yellow haired and pink complexioned, later on, and there seemed to be some sort of an altercation as I was shocked out of my daydreaming by a huge, bellowing blast of expletives, emanating from the person of the  pink, yellow haired bike rider, who then proceeded to march out of the yard.  She must have been pinched by her bicycle, I can't think of any other reason for such an outburst. I don't understand humans.

 

Sunday Morning 19 September

 

The Government schools and the Nun's school next door are supposed to start today but nothing happened, the traffic was the same as ever.  I wonder if the Nun's school has closed or moved for good.  That would be good because the people who go there really are the most chaotic and primitive creatures ever; even if there are only five cars in front of the school they manage to create a traffic snarl. Such rabble. I am glad to say that the Iranian School seems to have moved out of the area, improving the quality of the block drastically.

I didn't go out much today, still feeling decidedly weak.

Ms Mundy Pigeon's Story

 

 

Wednesday 15^th September

I hovered around the poo pile this morning, it seems to be getting bigger and bigger. I was thinking of getting a ladder to climb to the top as it is getting increasingly difficult to perch myself over it; I have to lift my tail really high. Can’t be bothered to deal with that now though, I will leave it for a bit.

Rushed back to my corner. I was exhausted after my morning breakfast expedition today. When I got back I collapsed into my sitting corner, breathless and flustered. I got back in quite late this morning as I couldn’t find any nice food. I sat motionless for around ten minutes and by then I had recovered enough to lift my head and look over the ledge to see what was happening in the car park. From the corner of my eye, I could see the three stooges in the office across the road, staring at me and laughing hysterically. They are definitely feeble minded poor things. I got up and wandered back to the poo pile again  just to make sure all was in order.

Thursday 16^th September

Early this morning, I stood on the middle of the ledge, did a little hopping from side to side, as exercise, fluffed my feathers in readiness for breakfast and saw one of the stooges glaring at me from across the road. She looked pink and flustered, they aren’t half ugly those three stooges.

Thursday 16th Sept.

Went off early this morning in search of breakfast.  I had a hard time finding anything but in the end found a pile of rice in the middle of the road, at the bottom of street number 5.  I nibbled the rice, which tasted slightly off for some reason and there were bits of rotten meat in it I think. Other pigeons came by and tried to share breakfast with me but I hissed at them;  too early in the morning to bother with entertaining and talking to others.  I saw the shoulder length brown haired peeping tom, the woman in the lincoln, N, pass by at around 6, God! some of these people are eager aren't they.  Half an hour later I saw the brown haired bloke peeping tom, Z,  and he looked grizzly.  Must have had a bad night. Then I saw the last one R, and she looked bug eyed, must have got up late.  I suppose they'll all be rushing to their office to stare at me.  Well, I've decided not to go back early as I can't face all the crowds and the thought of the trio staring at me is too much ,  so I just went and sat in a palm tree, then realised I didn't feel too hot. I decided to sleep which I did for a few hours and then headed back to my Palazzo at around 4 in the afternoon, with an excrutiating tummy ache. I rushed to the Poo Corner and had trouble lifting my tail high enough to get the job done.  The pile was too high. In the end, I slid my tail up the pile backwards and spent the next hour  here, staring into the distance.  That was the excitement of today. Thank god it's the weekend and I don't have to see the crowds, in particular, the three stooges, again.