Splutter, snort, grunt...."

"Wha....!? splut...splutter.... snort.....grunt......cough cough cough.......ATISHOOO!!!!!!! What the??"?????

Ms MundyPigeon Is DEAD

It is with the deepest regret that we announce the demise of Ms Mundy Pigeon, amazing pigeon queen extraordinaire, adventurer, novelist, politician, activist, slob, hitchhiker, loner, grumble guts, poopie puss, journalist, beauty contestant, alien, environmentalist, traffic engineer, eccentric, stunning model, fashion designer and critic, gourmet foodie , road engineer, avian architect, beach bum, pernickety whinger, Ziad and Nur worshipper, revolutionary layabout, seed pecker, renaissance fowl and general Miss Wonderpidge,

Has passed on to Pigeon Heaven.

There is no explanation for her death, she was sitting on her perch early this morning, huddled in a corner and now she is flat out on the perch with a wing flopped over the side (see photo)

We think it she was poisoned by the road works contractors (bastards) and the mess they have made and the pollutants they have left.

Yesterday was the first day of school and she was extremely excited and pleased to see everyone back again. Was it all just too much for her? Does anyone out there have detective and forensic skills? Please contact us ASAP.

Oh what a sad day for the world.

Open house at NES on Saturday September 9^th if you wish to pay  your respects.

Please send money in an envelope (large bills only) (boo hoo hoo)

We shall be auctioning feathers and other memorabilia.

Chips off The Poop Pile will be auctioned on eBay unless some avid collector would like to buy Mt. Poop for $1 million (o.n.o)

"Snort..... grunt??!!.... brrrrrr... Huh???? Ugh!!!!? Oh, no, summer's over and it's back to work. The car park has been lovely and quiet for the past three months and now there are cars all over the place.

EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk

They're back!!!!!!! 

No more shawarma & Macdonalds in the car park

Noise Dust Chaos

Not hanging around here.  Notice how close to my home on the top left

Headline in the daily newspaper: “Missing Pigeon re-appears with Stomach problems"

  

Miss Mundy Pigeon, who normally lives in her little pad on the second floor of Dar Jehan, was reported  missing yesterday. A little crowd of nosy parkers gathered to watch her perch, with many exclamations of worry and dismay as the morning wore on. There was a general consensus that Miss Mundy had a) been kidnapped b) emigrated 3) found a nicer home.  Much to everyone’s relief however, Miss Mundy suddenly appeared at 11:30 AM. She landed abruptly in the ‘living room’ side of her perched and was seen to scurry, sideways, like a crab, very, very rapidly, to the loo pile. She quickly positioned herself over the loo and went about her business, changing position every so often.  After a good session on the pile, she staggered off and literally hobbled off the pile, limping with obvious exhaustion to the other side of the perch.

There was general relief in the crowd which then erupted into peals of laughter as Miss Mundy hobbled away from the pile!   "YAY MISS MUNDY! WE’RE GLAD YOU'RE BACK”.

Howls of laughter



Is she trying out for a part in ADDAMS FAMILY?



I was sitting on my perch yesterday, grooming myself like mad, fluffing my feathers, primping my fluff, smoothing myself down, cleaning and preening my head (no makeup of course, none of that horrible peacock stuff for me thank you very much, I am not a tart), when who should appear at the window, giggling hysterically as they are wont to do, peering in my direction as they did so but Nutella and Zoot, the bitches. I could hear them quite clearly, unbeknownst to them, as we birds have very acute hearing. I could hear things like “What on earth is SHE preening herself for? She hasn’t got a boyfriend OR a girlfriend?” and “Look at that head quivering away (howls of laughter), what does she think she’s doing?” They went on and on, asking themselves why I was alive? What my purpose in life is? What I could possibly contribute to this planet as all I ever do is sit on my perch and produce my pile? They even said that I was so useless that I didn’t even end up as someone’s pigeon pie with my sole purpose in life being to tingle somebody’s taste buds for a minute or two.

That got me thinking.  What IS my purpose in life? Why am I here? Just to live and die without making an impact on the universe? I am born, I live, I eat, I develop my pile, I get sick sometimes, I get better, I talk to others occasionally (contrary to what the freaks across the road think) and I have even had a fling or two. Yes, I do attract the occasional admirer as you may remember some time back with the sparrow incident. I am not a total waste of time am I.

But those two have spoilt my mood. I was quite happy going about my business, taking care of my appearance and just generally enjoying life when they rudely jolted me into “why am I here?” frame of mind. Why AM I here? Am I just a pretty face, to be admired by the occasional passerby? Am I just a bundle of flesh and feathers occupying space in this limitless universe? If the universe is limitless then isn’t my size relative anyway? I am as big as I want and as small as I want. If I suddenly invented something that was invaluable to the planet does that make my life more important than if I hadn’t invented anything? If I become a famous singer or actor am I more worthy than if I don’t? If I lie in bed all day long and do absolutely nothing, does that make me worse, in the end, than if I slave away as some endless task, day in, day out until I die. I don’t know. You tell me. Write me comments and tell me if my life is worthless or not!

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

I am a connoisseur of beauty. I am not boasting or anything like that, it’s just a fact.  I appreciate beauty.  In the animal kingdom, it is generally known that males are more attractive than females. The male peacock is brilliantly coloured; greens, blues, turquoise and so on. Cockerels are more flamboyantly coloured than the rather mousey hen. Lions are definitely more striking than lionesses.  But with the human species, it is a little harder to tell. Generally, people think that women are more attractive than men and women make an effort to appear even more attractive than they think they are. They feel they have to plaster lipstick, foundation, powder, blusher, mascara, eyebrow plumper and so on and the result is a more defined and accentuated beauty. Or ugliness.  A lot of women cleverly plaster on tons of makeup but the final result looks like they have not put any on at all.  But not here in Kuwait.  In Kuwait there is a competition to see who can appear the most like a peacock (does that mean they are male? Drag queens?).  These ‘peacocks’ are so astonishing that I thought I had to share their art work with you.  To our eyes they seem very clownish or cyprian , but there is obviously a whole world out there which actually admires these human canvases. Today, my choice is the ‘Bawdy Human Peacock Woman.’ I hope you enjoy the picture.

On to other things now. I am posting this lovely photograph of me (you can see that in my case, the makeup is very understated and I have the most gorgeous eyes don’t you think?). I am standing there, cogitating and pondering of the miraculous pile I have succeeded in creating over time. The pyramids weren’t built in a day and neither was my pile. It has long been a mystery how the pyramids were actually constructed with some theorists actually suggesting that they were built by aliens from another universe. Mystery no more, the answer is obvious: pigeons.

I shall leave you with those words to stimulate your minds.

Hello !

You must all be wondering where I have been these past few weeks. Why hasn’t Miss Mundy Pigeon been writing her daily reports? Well I have but I used invisible script as I didn’t want just any Tom, Dick and Abdulla reading my profound insights into life.

I have been very busy this week as we have, in Kuwait, been very fortunate and privileged to host the famous Japanese drummer Shonosuke Okura who is the eldest son of the late 15th generation head of the Okura School, Chojuro Okura. (The Okura family legacy has been passed down since the Muromachi Period, as one of the Noh musical families in the field of Otsuzumi and Kotsuzumi Japanese drums). Mr Okura has been designated as an “ Important Intangible Cultural Property”.

The other night we took Mr Okura plus two other musicians with him to a nice new restaurant in Kuwait called Naranj which is a branch of the main restaurant in Damascus. We had a table outside and that particular evening the weather was lovely and perfect for the outdoors. The restaurant was busy and the staff very welcoming. Noodie Pigeon had recommended some dishes among them the  Beetroot Mutabbal (delicious), the Fattat Makdous (yummy little stuffed eggplants cooked in yoghurt), Cherry Kebab (meatballs cooked in a scrumptious cherry sauce) and the usual selection of Mezzeh. All excellent! I was disappointed that they didn’t have the Arabic Ice cream that was on the menu, they said it still hadn’t arrived from Syria which, considering the situation in Syria perhaps isn’t surprising.

They next day we attended their concert at the Maidan Theatre in Hawalli and Mr Okura performed outstandingly. He also performed a piece with Mr Tsunemi, the Japanese ‘Oud player who had studied in Tunis, and with Mr Ohno who was a flautist. Their piece was a blending of Japanese and Arabic music and I really liked it. It was like a blending of the abstract and the impressionistic if you get my gist. I know that sounds very airy fairy but I do have to try very hard as I am only a dumb pigeon and I have to impress you.

Yesterday I took them on a short tour of Kuwait City (nobody else seemed to be around) and then we headed to Le Notre for lunch and it was closed! As time was running out, we went to Nino which is another restaurant by the sea and that was pleasant. The food is good, portions are VERY generous (I only ate half of mine and took the rest home to my perch) and the selection broad. The only thing that annoys me about Nino is the ear blastingly loud music. It is always blaring away and when you ask them to turn it down they do, a little, then a few minutes later it is up again!!!!!! But the views across the sea to Salmiya more than make up for that.

As for my astounding insights into global politics, in case you have been asleep, there are revolutions going on in Libya, Syria and Yemen and Iran, the monster across the water, is shaking its ugly fist at the peace loving communities on this side of the Gulf. THE ARABIAN GULF and if the ugly monster doesn't like that well tough bloody titties !!!!!!!!!!

Happy happy

EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk

EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkk   caught on camera!!!!!!!!

Sandstorm again!

 




                           

Satisfaction??!!!

zenga zenga

Freaks!!!!!!!

I heard the three freaks in the office across the road gossiping about me and they said that I looked like an alien and that my eyes belonged to some sort of an extra-terrestrial.   They made rude comments about my colour, about the shape of my head, about my beak and all sorts of other things.  Interspersed among all these rude comments were hysterical fits of giggling and howling.  I am incensed as I know I am a pretty pigeon but I suppose beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and anyway, I have never seen such an ugly trio as the three freaks across the road.  

Ugly! This has put me in a bad mood so I’m not giving you an update about anything.  You can think up something yourselves. Oh! Another thing they were gossiping about: me going on my extended breakfast trips.  What a cheek when they sit in that office, scoffing breadsticks and guzzling coffee.    Fat lumps!

Deep thoughts

What a boring morning as I sit here on my expanding pile, contemplating life, contemplating death, health and all the other issues and questions about life. Like: Why am I alive?  Is there a reason for me, an insignificant little pigeon, to be here, existing on my perch, looking down on the world, going out and about, collecting food, eating, using the pile, cooing to other pigeons, laughing, getting upset, thinking (little thoughts only), getting depressed, being excited, being sad (yes ok, crying sometimes), being stupid, being humorous, being angry, being annoyed, hating, liking, getting bored, getting stressed, enjoying the company of others, getting irritated by others, feeling lonely.  That’s what happens to a pigeon when that pigeon’s got nothing else to do.  They sit and contemplate and try to solve the universal questions and problems.

But I’m just one little effing pigeon out of millions of effing pigeons so what does that mean? Do I have to scrape and claw to get myself noticed, to leave an impact on this planet, to have my name in lights and to be remembered for eternity?  Or does that all not really matter in the greater scheme? And what if I ended up as a pigeon pie tomorrow? Would that be my ultimate aim in life, to be on someone’s table so that they could exclaim “aaaaah! That smells good!”, then get gobbled quickly and forgotten forever. Or would I perhaps be reincarnated as that person and that person would be in the pigeon pie next down. Deep thoughts. Deeeeeeep.

Sandstorms & beatings

I’m not talking about the Dust Tsunami we had in Kuwait on Friday, you all saw it.  I can only say that I feel sorry for all the people who have to clean up, a most unpleasant experience.  I think cleaning up after the dust storm would be a good punishment for bad drivers, litterbugs, corrupt government officials, badly behaved students, arrogant behaviour, racists and all people of that ilk.

Everybody in the country is in a buzz about the teacher at a local school who was filmed beating students with a cane.  He is foul mouthed and seems to spend his time throwing profanities at the students while he beats them. I know that students at the government schools here can be rude, badly behaved, aggressive and difficult to handle but this teacher appears to have lost the plot completely. I hear he has been sacked and is awaiting legal proceedings and quite right too.  Now does anyone have any tips about how to manage difficult, aggressive students?

In the school across the road the students are not like that at all.  Yes, they have a naughty boy or girl or two but naughty there means being a little lippy or lazy, nothing more.

The other issue to watch out for is the Iranis across the water.  They are busy stoking the fire trying to create a rift between the Sunnis and the Shia.  They are trying to manipulate the Shia community into believing they are downtrodden which, in Kuwait anyway, is just not true, so that they can upset the applecart and put in a dictatorial Islamic Republic such as the one they have.  And what a dump they’ve made of their country!!!!

Up the ##@% to all

The other day I produced a list of all the negative traits of all the nationalities in the world and I would love to publish it but I know that if I did I would immediately be de-feathered and bunged into an oven.  Basically, in my list, I reveal that all the populations of the world have a rod up the derriere and that they seriously need the rod removed.  Nobody is spared, the rule applies to absolutely everyone. HUMANS HAVE A ROD UP THE DERRIERE AND THEY NEED THE ROD REMOVED.  Humans are such revolting creatures.  What’s laughable is that some humans in some countries think they are more civilised than other human but the problem is that each country or race has its own definition of what ‘civilised’ means.  Some countries think they are civilised because they are technologically advanced but then they proceed to ethnically cleanse millions of people from a race they despise.  Another culture think they are civilised because they sit around, reading poetry, meditate, say wise things but then they throw their rubbish into the street, destroy their woodlands and environments, pick their noses and spit in the street.  Still others think they are civilised because they have long genealogical pedigrees (well they think they do)) and then they behave like barbarians to others and to the world.  Still others think they are civilised because they carry Prada handbags but beneath the Prada there’s just a savage with one brain cell lurking.

I , of course am perfect.  Everyone should be like me.  I am the epitome of civilisation.  I, being a lovely pigeon, do not have a rod up the derriere.  All I do is wander around, scraping the ground, looking for food, flying, bobbing my head back and forth and so on.  I only get really annoyed when the bloody little parasitic sparrows come by, buzzing all around my perch and my territory. I hate the bloody little sodding, dirty, vermin like, inferior creatures. I get so annoyed in the morning when they get in the way of all my activities and when I try to get my breakfast and then at the end of the day when they disrupt my flight path.  I just feel like shooting the stupid little buggers and I.... I..... I.....I.......I.....uh oh, I think I need to meditate. Seems even us feathered creatures have a rod up the backside. It seems ‘civilised’ is a concept that is difficult to define and difficult to achieve. Back to the drawing board.  I will keep trying.

Happy Mothers Day &What A Weekend!

I am exhausted. Exhausted, exhausted, exhausted. Tired. Knackered. And all because I was away for a measly weekend. Just one little measly weekend when I flitted from here to Abu Dhabi to see Stevie Wonder in concert and then on to Beirut for a bit of clubbing.  What a spectacular concert - Stevie began the evening writhing on the ground with the portable electric piano (it has a special name - anyone know?)  and ended bashing in spectacular fashion on the drums. If you weren't there, then you missed out on a lot.  What the hell is wrong with you? I cannot understand how someone can know that Stevie Wonder is going to perform in Abu Dhabi and not go.  IT’S STEVIE WONDER DAMMIT. Ever since I knew Stevie was coming over, I've been  flying around and on my perch singing his songs. Everywhere.

I had a lovely time in Beirut. The first night we were there, we walked up Gemayzeh, which is the nightlife street and at the end, near the Armenian bit, came upon a sign that pointed up some steep steps. The sign said, in Arabic “Grotto of the Lady With The Wondrous Tits”. Really. Not joking. We went into an arty shop just down from the sign and asked the nice people there what the sign was about. They didn’t have a clue. The next day, we climbed the steep steps, 99 (or was it 199) in all and didn’t find anything at the top, just a pleasant street with pleasant houses. Everybody, please do some googling and find out WHO this wondrous lady is. More on that later.


Pigeon's Rock - Lebanon



Another fun thing on our first evening in Beirut was to go to a concert of the Beirut Symphony Orchestra playing Classical Arabic compositions. It was very good. The crowd of course was typical, traipsing in late, walking out in the middle, to-ing and fro-ing. It’s a different perception of what things are and how they should be done, isn’t it. After the concert we wandered down the road, heading for Gemayzeh, when we came upon Falafel Sahyoun which, according to Rowella, is one of the best falafel joints in the town. It sure was, they were scrumptious and we ate the standing up, in front of the restaurant extractor fan which then gave us a very nice aroma which followed us into Lakay, a very nice salsa bar. All the young people dancing in there kept a distance from us, due to the smell of frying falafel I expect.

We visited Ksara, a famous winery in the Bekaa, then next day and tottered out after sampling the wares. The caves there are amazing, they have 2 kilometres of them, with hundreds of oak barrels.
We then visited Baalbek, I always find it spectacular there and Armadilla really enjoyed it as it was her first visit. After that, we headed for Shams restaurant in Anjar, famous, and had a lovely lunch there. The waiter was terrible though and I called him Bu-Tumba which means fatso in Kuwaiti. We could never get his attention, he forgot our orders, brought the wrong things and omitted to give us standard things like that complimentary platter of greens and bread. But when the bill came,Bu-Tumba was suddenly charm, smiles and cheer. Rowella and Armadilla both said “DON’T GIVE HIM A TIP”,  so I didn’t and he graced us with an evil look that could kill, then tried to block Armadilla from leaving but she elbowed him aside and we left.
The evening, we were shattered but took ourselves out at 8 PM and walked all the way to Gemayzeh again, for a bit of revelry although we were a bit feeble for revelry. Rowella recommended a place called Kashmir and we sat there quietly for an hour or so but perked up a lot when the Lychee “juice” came and we were dancing by the the time it was time for us to leave. The next morning we visited the Jeita caves half of which were closed (due to floods someone said) but the half that was open was amazing and there were only a few people there. Extremely noisy, loud, people but they didn’t stay long.And that was that. On my perch now, feeling sullen.

Oh, it’s Mother’s Day today, according to some. There are so many Mother’s Day’s aren’t there. Today’s one of them, an American one I think, or is it Egyptian? No English!?We tried to find the soppiest, corniest, ugh-iest, silkiest, cringiest card we could find but we didn’t have to look far as we found one free in the Arab Times. Wasn’t that clever? HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!!!!

Pigeon Pie

Pigeon Pie.  What relevance does a pigeon pie have to me, Ms Mundy Pigeon, brown pigeon extraordinaire!  Pigeon pie is a dish in which pigeons are placed in a pot, covered with pastry and then baked until a nice crust forms.  The pigeons can be baked with garlic, onion or any other vegetables and herbs one likes and this type of dish is popular in western Europe (perhaps more so in the old days).  Pigeon is a very popular dish in Egypt as I have previously mentioned to my followers. My hordes of followers.  All six of them. I am pleased to say that to my knowledge, none of my followers like pigeon pie.  I hope they don’t anyway.  I don’t think pigeons come very high in the pecking order although we are pecking animals.  Other animals don’t peck but they are higher up the order.

Pigeons. Carriers, messengers and racers we,

Soaring over  forest, field and sea.

Sun in eye, wind in rear,

Miles we travel, with no fear.

Ogling tourists bring seed everywhere

St Peter, San Marco and Trafalgar Square.

Evening comes, appetites high

Tourists head out for pigeon pie.

Felines stalking, to supper us make,

Eating al fresco, no cook no bake.

Messengers, pets or food? Contradictions!

That is one of life’s afflictions.

Food in this life is destiny for me,

Maybe in the next a hunter I’ll be.

Lucky & Happy I am!

After seeing the photographs and footage of the absolutely dreadful earthquake and tsunami in Japan, I have decided to stop grumbling about things.  What right do I have to grumble when I sit here on my perch, comfortable, confident in my own security, assured food whenever I want it, able to nip off to wherever I want whenever I want, family and friends around all the time.

Have you all seen how dignified the Japanese are? They have such composure and bearing, I really admire them.  Now come a little nearer home (I won’t be telling you exactly how near, but use your imagination) and you get the shrieking, wailing, bawling, squawking, howling, unruly, looting, excited, dishonest, thieving crowds. Guess who? Could we please have the Japanese in that place (and plenty others I can think of) to give a little training in self restraint, composure and dignity?

Anyway, as I was saying no more grumbling.  We all grumble too much.

This morning there is no rain so the lunatics were on the roads again: cutting in front of me (and others) hogging the roads and paths, oblivious to the rest of the world and there was I, cussing and swearing like mad.   I used a series of very interesting expletives this morning, for example: .......   OH! I forgot, I’m not supposed to grumble. What a lovely world! Happy I am!

Japan

The situation in Japan seems to go from bad to worse.   I don’t know what to say, I’m speechless

Rain at last!

Although I have been happily enjoying the weather over the weekend, I have also been feeling very bad for the poor Japanese, with that unbelievably strong earthquake and the subsequent tsunami.  It is unbelievable how powerful and destructive tsunamis are and even trains are like little toys. I  spoke to friends in Tokyo and they were really shaken (no pun intended) by the force of the quake and the aftershocks.  Our friends said it was really odd that, although their apartment had been shaken about, most rooms survived intact but their TV room was turned upside down! Very odd.  It is good that most of the world is offering to help and that includes Kuwait.  By the way everyone, although it is a little known fact, Kuwait is one of the biggest donors and aid givers, per capita, in the world.   Our thoughts are with the Japanese.

Back to the weather. What a weekend. It has rained for 4 days. On the first two days/nights, we had huge thunderstorms and I, being as I am, slept through both storms.  I didn’t hear a thing.  I only realised in the morning when I went to get my breakfast.  Lovely and fresh it was. It rained Friday and Saturday and it looks like we might get a bit today.  Yippeeee, I love rain but unfortunately, it is too late for the desert.  For the desert to really flower you need rain in October and November which we didn’t have.  You also need to get rid of all the horrible rabble campers.  When it rains in the autumn we also get Fugger. No, it’s not what you think you dirty minded lot, Fugger, or Fage’ (I don’t know, in Arabic it’s فقع)  This is a Kuwaiti word, in Arabic they are called Kama or كمي.  And do you know what Fugger’s are?  They’re not what you think you dirty minded so and so’s.   Fage’ are the desert truffles and they grow in the sand.  In the springtime, if the rains have been good, people go to the desert, look for cracks in the ground and dig up the truffles.  They are excellent either fried lightly or boiled.  They are often eaten with rice, that is the traditional local method, but I have also had Fage’ omelettes. Yum.  But this spring I am sure there are no Kuwaiti truffles and they are considered among the best. I  think North African and Saudi truffles are available in the market.  Try them, they’re delicious.

PS notice in picture after the rain the 'pile' is thankfully intact!

Rubbish rubbish rubbish

Sitting on my perch this morning, looking down on all those people going into the school yard across the road. What a load of rabble and the amount of rubbish they leave in the yard! Don’t their parents teach them any manners. Well I suppose they only teach them what they know and their children pick up their parents behaviour and their parents are a load of rabble too. I often see the parents, and the chauffeurs, and the maids, just throw rubbish out of their car windows and clear their ashtrays by throwing the rubbish into the car park. What is it about them that makes them like this. Give me a strategy for changing the mentality of these rubbish makers. A fine? Like Singapore? Photographs in the newspapers for offenders? Community service cleaning duty for offenders? Trouble with these solutions is that everyone with ‘Wasta’ would get out of it and as almost the entire population has some sort of wasta or another, then nothing would work. That’s why the following laws, all of which have been introduced AND enforced, were only enforced for a few weeks and then ignored by everyone including the people who enforce the laws, the police:

Seat Belts while driving
Driving with Niqab (face veil) on
Driving and talking on the phone
Smoking in public places
Texting while driving
Speeding
Crashing your car while speeding
Restricted visiting hours in hospital
Littering in the desert
Grazing herds in the desert
Etc etc etc etc etc

The trouble with Kuwait is that the people have a warped understanding of what Democracy means. They think democracy means you are free to do exactly as you please. The principles of freedom of speech, justice, fairness, representation only mean anything if it serves your personal goals rather that state goals.

I’m sticking to my perch, I’ve had enough of rabble for a while. I HATE RABBLE!

Demonstration Day!

I went out early this morning for breakfast and came back with a tummy ache which is why I am now sitting near the ‘pile’.  What on earth did I eat?  Maybe it’s worry?  Maybe I am worried about the demonstrations today?  Apparently the demonstrators want to remove the prime minister. What on earth for?  Do they actually KNOW why they want him removed?  Is it so that they can fill the position with one of their ‘pack’ and then they can really ensconce themselves in the system and be able to take full advantage. No way do I want to live in a country that has a prime minister that represents one of the tribes because as soon as that happens,  Tribe will take priority,  Kuwait and everyone else will not even figure.  And anyway, what bloody right do these slobs have to demonstrate when they can't even be bothered to go to work and they expect to earn salaries for doing nothing. W ell enough politics for now.

I was thinking this morning about all the nationalities in the world, very interesting this world with all the variety, cultures and peoples.  I was thinking about all the positive and negative traits of the nationalities, so basically, I was stereotyping, and I came up with a list that is totally unpublishable and not for public view.  I did write a list of nice things about each nationality (except for one or two which I couldn’t for the life of me find anything to nice about) and then I wrote a nasty list.  I also included myself in the nasty list so don’t think I discriminate. Here is a list of Positive and Negative Pigeon traits:

Negative: Filthy, louse ridden, pooping, over-breeding, smelly, pestiferous, head wobbling, dirty, clawing, rabble rousing stinky, crotch scratching, nose picking bastards.
Positive: Friendly, pleasant, cute, good humoured, very cute (especially brown pigeons) industrious, clever and hard working.

There, you see, I am quite fair.  I have mentioned all the bad as well as the good things about pigeons which means I can be honest about everyone else. Please contact me personally for a list as I am not allowed to publish.  If I do I will be put behind bars, by the whole world.  Well you see, I don’t think the world is a very nice place.  I think individuals are nice, people can be nice, whatever the nationality, sex, origins, class, culture etc of the person.  But I don’t think nations or groups of people are very nice.  Groups have a tendency to become exclusive, arrogant, xenophobic and insular.  A shame, isn’t it? I am always better than you and I know better than you and I know I am right and you are wrong.
Pigeons rule!

Feeling Lacklustre

I’m behaving like an ostrich this week rather than a pigeon.  Pigeons are generally bold.  Aren’t we? We swoop down on people hoping to get some of their food.  We scrape and shuffle around in public places.  We stand in the middle of the road and only fly away when the wheels are almost upon us. Or upon us even.  We pigeons are bold.  But this week I am behaving like an ostrich and it’s because of Libya.  It’s because I can’t bear to watch the television and see the forces of the Rabid Gaddafi getting the better of the rebels.  So I am behaving like an ostrich and sticking my head in the ground with the hope that, when I take my head out, all will be solved and Gaddafi will have been torn to shreds by the crowds (eagle like behaviour there). Oh, mustn’t forget that  son of his, Saif (not of Islam), he needs to be torn to shreds too.

 

I am also feeling quite sullen and lacklustre.  Maybe it’s a general malaise this ostrich, head in the ground, sullen, lacklustre feeling.  But I’m not the only one, everyone I’ve seen feels this way. I spoke to Nutella and Rowella this morning and they both seem to be muddling through the day. 

They didn’t even do the facial exercises which are supposed to keep them youthful and attractive.  I found the facial exercises in the Evening standard in London and they are supposed to be miraculous; take you from 70 to 20 in a week. I have been working very hard for days now but nothing’s changed. I will persevere. We are all obsessed with looking youthful. 

 All races, all civilisations at all times (and the odd pigeon or two like me) have been obsessed with keeping young, looking young and staying healthy. Is that vanity or is it just common sense and being young means better health and not falling apart at the seams with age. I’m not falling apart yet. I have the odd wrinkle admittedly but I am slapping away at it very hard to keep it (them) at bay. By the way, if anyone would like the miracle facial exercises I would be only to happy to oblige. I have a word of advice for Gaddafi: YOU NEED FACIAL EXERCISES!!!!!!!

Back to the general malaise though, there must be something wrong and it’s probably because we were on holiday and aren’t any more. I love being on holiday but at the same time, it’s always nice to get to one’s perch isn’t it. I know I am happy in my perch and I have been sleeping like a log.

Hiking

I’m back and have had a fantastic holiday in Spain. There were three of us on this holiday and we decided that apart from eating, drinking and making merry, we should like to get some fresh air and spend lots of time in the countryside.  We headed for the Cabo de Gata national park in southern spain, just outside Almeria and spent the next 6 days there, cross countrying, up to 20 KM a day, as the pigeon flies, eating in wonderful restaurants, exploring villages and abandoned castles and staying in lovely little hotels.

On our first day, we hiked though a village called Las Negras and across the mountains to a cove called San Pedro where there was an abandoned castle used in the past to watch out for pirates. This whole cove, including the castle, was inhabited by dreadlocked hippies, German or Scandinavian I think, who seemed to spend their time just hanging around, fishing, existing and doing their laundry. As we passed the castle, we spotted a woman washing her clothes at a fountain and I made conversation, asking if she lived there. She got quite stroppy and asked how "would you like someone to come up to where you lived and ask you if you lived there?” So I replied that I didn’t mind at all and that it had happened several times. We then apologised and walked off and she kept calling back “no, no, it’s ok, I’m not angry” and we just said “OK, whatever (so nice saying whatever), have a nice day”

On the way back, we climbed up the steep path to the fountain and there was a woman there, with a miniskirt and no underwear on, bent over her washing and guess what was staring me in the face? That gave us all a shock, I must say.

The hotels we stayed in were very nice, not too big and with excellent meals. Our second hotel was a place in a village called Rodalquilar run by a German man we nicknamed Hitler because, when we arrived, he said “Please contact me whenever you like (heavy German drawl) BUT NOT BETWEEN 3 and 5 because that is rest time.” Then we received a whole list of do’s and don’ts which were to be strictly observed. But although “Hitler” was quite bossy and strict, we were quite fond of him as he seemed quite nice beneath that rough exterior.

We had many laughs on the hike. One of them was about me being sexist as the other two, when they first heard me refer to someone as a useless tit and then another as a clever dick asked why a tit had to be useless and a dick clever? So we switched the terms around to clever tit and useless dick for the rest of the trip.

We also had a good laugh in the only little shop in Rodalquilar which was run by an old lady called Lola who kept the lights off and would only turn them on (it was dark in her shop) when we couldn’t find a particular thing. When she was packing our big bottles of water and other purchases into one, frequently used plastic bag, we asked if we could have another as it might not hold all the shopping, she brusquely told us that we should know that each customer was only allowed one bag. Quite right too Lola, we must play our part in saving the planet.

While we were hiking, the Middle East was exploding and we hadn’t a clue.  Libya, Yemen even poor Oman, all were having problems and we were cushioned away in our own little worlds with no access to television or the internet (except occasionally) and without a care in the world. Very selfish we know but reality is always with us and could be upon us before we know it so we just want to enjoy life, live a little escapism for a short time.

We are back in Kuwait now and apparently there's been a shopping frenzy when we were away with everyone spending their 1000 KD ($3500) Amiri Grant the day they received the money. Shops were jammed, roads clogged, malls overflowing as people fought to offload their 1000 dinars  onto the market.  Cosmetics shops and electronic shops apparently had the best sales with iPhones being sold as though they were Mars Bars.  So nice that we are being given 1000 KD to keep our beaks shut and not cause problems like the poverty stricken masses in Egypt and the other countries. We’re a happy bunch and everything is perfect - but we'll be waiting for more. Well Kuwait is quite good really!

I'm offfffffffffffffffff. . . . . . . .

Me, I’m just a little pigeon and I am sick of the state of affairs here.

I’ve been racking my little pigeon brain for ideas about improving this country. There are millions of things I can do of course but here is a list:

On second thoughts, I’m going to leave that till some other time. Let me tell you more exciting news first. I am off on holiday .  Pass over Muscat then  off to spain to do some cross country stuff.  I am getting away from all these horrible domesticated grey pigeons and will be free!!!! Free!

How I detest grey pigeons, they are always pooping all over the place, spitting all over the place, they make horrible body function noises as though it were normal, there break wind in public, they stand around staring at people and scratching their bits in  public, mouths open and tongues hanging out, they’re always milling around in big crowds, noisy, loud, smelly and rude.  I just detest these grey pigeons. They’re not like me; I only poop delicately over the ledge and intentionally when I want to bombard people.  I go into the corner to break wind and always make sure it’s not downwind.  I am not loud, I don’t hang around in big groups, I don’t spit, I don’t litter and I am just about the cutest thing ever seen north of the equator. And south. Me! I’m a golden brown pigeon, rare, attractive, small numbers, civilised, clever (well as clever as one can expect a dumb pigeon to be and everything else good you can think of.

So I’m off to a remote corner of Andalucia where I can be myself. Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Tortillas and Rioja here I come!

National Day

Well the Egyptians did it and fabulously I may add. An amazing, peaceful and civilised revolution so, congratulations to all Egyptians and I hope you really do get what you have been fighting for rather than just another form of dictatorship. What is happening in Tunisia? Has the popular revolution there backfired? I hope not. And in Algeria the security forces really seem to be clamping down. Enough of that as I am just a poor, dumb pigeon that managed to escape the pot in Egypt.

I got the spying perverts across the road very worried last week as I disappeared for a very long period of time. I wasn’t on my ledge all morning and they didn’t know it was because the weather wasn’t very pleasant, and I had an asthmatic fit because of the dust in the air, so I went and hid under a tin roof. That really ruffled my feathers.

By the way everybody, I am off on holiday again at the end of this week. I can’t face staying in Kuwait over the national day holiday period. First of all, the decorations are absolutely disgraceful. They are the most unbelievably, poor, cheap, shabby, falling apart decorations I have ever seen in my life. Quite unlike the other Gulf countries that have really beautiful lights for their celebrations. The lights in Kuwait are typical of everything these days in Kuwait. Some well connected thieving contractor gets a contract to put up the lights and he gets paid, say, a million dinars. He spends 100,000 Dinars on the lights and pockets the rest. Our authorities couldn’t give a damn as they have all received their cut and that is that. As a result, Kuwait looks like the poor relative in the Gulf. Which country is more corrupt? Us or Egypt? Maybe the Egyptians will change things but it will be very difficult as it seems to be ingrained. I’m crossing my fingers.

So, as I was saying, I will be away for the tin pot celebrations here. I am off to the South of Spain. I am going to have a quiet, cross country trip where I don’t have to see any foam spraying neanderthals bothering passersby. I’m sorry Neanderthals, I’m sure you were better mannered and more cultured than this lot of pithecanthropuses. Or is it pithecanthrepussies