I'm offfffffffffffffffff. . . . . . . .

Me, I’m just a little pigeon and I am sick of the state of affairs here.

I’ve been racking my little pigeon brain for ideas about improving this country. There are millions of things I can do of course but here is a list:

On second thoughts, I’m going to leave that till some other time. Let me tell you more exciting news first. I am off on holiday .  Pass over Muscat then  off to spain to do some cross country stuff.  I am getting away from all these horrible domesticated grey pigeons and will be free!!!! Free!

How I detest grey pigeons, they are always pooping all over the place, spitting all over the place, they make horrible body function noises as though it were normal, there break wind in public, they stand around staring at people and scratching their bits in  public, mouths open and tongues hanging out, they’re always milling around in big crowds, noisy, loud, smelly and rude.  I just detest these grey pigeons. They’re not like me; I only poop delicately over the ledge and intentionally when I want to bombard people.  I go into the corner to break wind and always make sure it’s not downwind.  I am not loud, I don’t hang around in big groups, I don’t spit, I don’t litter and I am just about the cutest thing ever seen north of the equator. And south. Me! I’m a golden brown pigeon, rare, attractive, small numbers, civilised, clever (well as clever as one can expect a dumb pigeon to be and everything else good you can think of.

So I’m off to a remote corner of Andalucia where I can be myself. Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Tortillas and Rioja here I come!

National Day

Well the Egyptians did it and fabulously I may add. An amazing, peaceful and civilised revolution so, congratulations to all Egyptians and I hope you really do get what you have been fighting for rather than just another form of dictatorship. What is happening in Tunisia? Has the popular revolution there backfired? I hope not. And in Algeria the security forces really seem to be clamping down. Enough of that as I am just a poor, dumb pigeon that managed to escape the pot in Egypt.

I got the spying perverts across the road very worried last week as I disappeared for a very long period of time. I wasn’t on my ledge all morning and they didn’t know it was because the weather wasn’t very pleasant, and I had an asthmatic fit because of the dust in the air, so I went and hid under a tin roof. That really ruffled my feathers.

By the way everybody, I am off on holiday again at the end of this week. I can’t face staying in Kuwait over the national day holiday period. First of all, the decorations are absolutely disgraceful. They are the most unbelievably, poor, cheap, shabby, falling apart decorations I have ever seen in my life. Quite unlike the other Gulf countries that have really beautiful lights for their celebrations. The lights in Kuwait are typical of everything these days in Kuwait. Some well connected thieving contractor gets a contract to put up the lights and he gets paid, say, a million dinars. He spends 100,000 Dinars on the lights and pockets the rest. Our authorities couldn’t give a damn as they have all received their cut and that is that. As a result, Kuwait looks like the poor relative in the Gulf. Which country is more corrupt? Us or Egypt? Maybe the Egyptians will change things but it will be very difficult as it seems to be ingrained. I’m crossing my fingers.

So, as I was saying, I will be away for the tin pot celebrations here. I am off to the South of Spain. I am going to have a quiet, cross country trip where I don’t have to see any foam spraying neanderthals bothering passersby. I’m sorry Neanderthals, I’m sure you were better mannered and more cultured than this lot of pithecanthropuses. Or is it pithecanthrepussies

Egypt crisis

I’m sorry everybody, for the very long absence but I’ve been in Egypt.  I haven’t reported what was going on there because I know you are getting minute by minute reports from CNN, BBC, Aljazeera (sneakily because they have been shut down for causing lots of trouble and stirring up emotions with lots of lies-according to the authorities-) (Aljazeera has also been accused of lying about the Palestine Papers on their programme, Witness, apparently they took everything out of context giving everything a totally different meaning to what was actually being said)... But what would I know? I’m just a dumb pigeon.

But back to important things now, I have been quite ill since I got back, a funny tummy and I wonder why? Consequently, I have been sitting on or beside my pile, for many hours since I got back from Egypt.  Egypt was lovely and there was a HUUUUUGE crowd gathered in one of the squares there.  I was there too, on top of the Egyptian Museum.   It was very exciting, people shouting all sorts of things and I gathered from my many feathered friends there that they were demanding a complete change of government, from the Top Dog who has apparently managed to steal over $70 Billion to all the ministers who each has managed to steal a couple of billion. BILLION! That is $1 for each  billion pigeon.  Or $1000 each for a million pigeons.  Or 1 million dollars for a thousand pigeons.  It’s obscene isn’t it.  So between all the cronies in the government, they have stolen several hundred BILLION dollars.  PHEW!!!

If I was an Egyptian pigeon,(thank goodness I am not as I believe we are a delicacy there!) I’d want to peck a few eyes out.  As it is, the Egyptians have been amazingly calm and civilised.  They have exercised the most incredible restraint in the most trying circumstances. They have been the most unbelievable revolutionaries ever.  No heads rolling, no massacres.  Oh yes, the governmental mob have tried to stoke the fire but with little success

But what would I know? I’m just a dumb pigeon and this dumb pigeon thinks things are going to change.  Don’t ask me if they’re going to change for the better or for the worse but they’re going to change and change they must whether better or worse.  We can’t sit around trying not to upset the status quo because we’re scared of the future, things have to change and all these gobsmackingly GREEDY fat-cats sitting on top of and squashing their populations need to be pruned.  Just like the French pruned theirs, the Russians pruned theirs, and the Chinese pruned theirs.  OK, admittedly, we don’t want any heads guillotined or Imperial families shot, but just stick ‘em on a boat and send them on their way with a sack of rice and a few groats for them to buy supplies with.

I’ve got to rush off to the pile now.

PingPong

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGazyH6fQQ4

No more pigeon delivery - this cyber generation doesn't even know what "post by mail" means any more - will I have to resort to circus stunts ?  Me , a rare and stylish pigeon????  Not on your feathery nelly!!!!!!!!  I shall continue sitting on my perch next to my pile watching down on ye all





The elegant and desirable Pigeon Lady from Bertram Mills' Circus is not disturbed by her shadowy audience awed to silence as they watch her letting go

 

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