Bye. . . .

Another couple of permanent fixtures have unscrewed themselves and are off!   It was a goodbye to them.  Too bad they didn’t get a laptop each  .. . .. . .got to be a pppppppppppppppino to get the perks!

Coooooooooooooooooooo

Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo.

Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo.

Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo.

Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo Coo coo. COO COO COO COO COO COO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo.Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo Coo coo.

Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo, Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo Coo coo.

Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo Coo coo.

Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo. Coo coo.

 

Boringggggggggggg

Groan groan groannnnnnnnn  boring boring boring - its all so boringggggggg!

Life is boring .............

Dining out?

Some feathered friends and I decided to go out for dinner tonight and we decided on Nino’s, by the seaside, as it was easy to get to and we fancied that sort of food.  We got there and of course the music was blasting away as loud as ever so we asked them to “TURN THE EFFING MUSIC DOWN.!!!!!”  They turned it down a bit and as always happened, they gradually turned it up to a blast level.

 Then, as we were waiting for a friend to come, we decided to order water which we got but one glass was missing.  Andouilla asked for a glass and the dumb waitress said she would bring a glass and subsequently disappeared outside.  We asked a waiter for a glass and told him that the waitress needed training.  He agreed and said she was new.

Later on, we asked for some salt and got pepper so we re-iterated that we wanted salt and the waiter disappeared and we saw him later on serving another table and then chatting to the bimbo outside.  We called him out loud and he came. “Why didn’t you bring the salt?” we demanded. “Yessir, in the kitchen”. “SALT, SALT!!!!!” “Yes sir” “Salt,  over there, like that.” “Oh, I thought you want Sauce.”

DON’T GO TO NINO’S!!!!!!

I think I should stick to picking up grains from the street.

Groaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn

Groaaaaan, HUGE budget cuts in England. I have horrible visions of me pushing a supermarket trolley laden with tatty, old grey shopping bags, down High Street Kensington.  (if I retire there of course, I might end up staying here in the sun).  But on the other hand, I don't suppose I will be pushing a supermarket trolley will I?  I'd more likely be sitting on Nelson's Head.  I don't suppose the mafia there would allow me though so supermarket trolleys are probably the best option.  Maybe I can go down to LuLu one day and have a try at pushing one.   I haven't seen many tramps here. I suppose they're tucked away tidily somewhere.  Or maybe they’ve deported them.  I hope I don’t get deported.  Where would I be deported to?  Pigeon Cove?

Off to party

We set off on our journey and we arrived at Armadilla’s house in Dabbiedabie late in the evening. We decided we would like to go straight out to party and we happened to pass a place that looked inviting and had three people sitting outside.  One of them was a toothless Ukrainian-Vomit-Swilling-Hairy-Legged-Vulture (a rare breed in these parts but common enough in their native habitat.)  Well the Toothless Ukrainian vulture obviously didn’t think we were good enough for this party so she cackled at us, in a heavy lisp and a broad Ukrainian accent, that the “ ‘plathe wath’ full from midnight onwards,” spluttering spittle at us from the gap in her beak.   Seeing as it was only 9 oclock at the time, we were somewhat bewildered.   But the Lebanese Eagle standing behind her gave her a withering look and ordered her to let us in.   It was a zinging evening although no one else came in all the time we were there.   But the four of us, (me, Nutella, Punkella and Armadilla) plus the irritating sparrows hovering around us, made up for numbers with noise.   The rest of the break continued in the same vein; wandering from watering hole to watering hole and trough to trough sampling delectable offerings, cooing and cawing, cackling like the Ukrainian and leaving a dreadfull mess of nutshells and pigeon-poo (sorry we can’t help it, it's the way we’re made).

I'm Back!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Diary, I apologise for the absence due to my absence over the weekend.   I decided to go with the ‘GROUP’ for a weekend of culture and entertainment.   The ‘GROUP’ consisted of me, another pigeon, 2 other pigeons, a pigeon as well as a couple of pigeons and a pigeon.  Also tagging on in the background were some irritating little sparrows (including the one that fancies me.)  (Talking about Spindle, that’s his name, he didn’t seem to mind when I told him I might be a man).   Well, it was all a bit of a last minute thing.   We were sitting around Thursday morning when I said that I was off for a weekend of culture, entertainment and merriment, when Nutella said that she wanted to go too, which was nice, the more the merrier is what I always say, then Ruwella said she wanted to join us and suddenly we were a big group.   Well the first thing we did when we got to our destination, Abu Dhabi, (don’t ask me how I got there, that’s Pigeon Classified Information, not for general public knowledge), anyway, as I was saying, the first thing we did when we got there. . . . . ..

Sorry I must be off, urgent appointment so I will tell you the rest tomorrow

Sirensssss!!!!!!!!

I have upgraded my pad and now have two bathrooms, one en suite.  I got sick of trudging down the corridor to the one bathroom in the flat.  My sleeping area is not very big so I sometimes end up sleeping in the bog.  I had an interesting day yesterday as the authorities decided to test the war sirens.  I wonder why? What war? The Iraqis invading again?  Or is it the Iranis this time?  (Will they remember to press the button this time?)  Anyway, the Sirens were so loud and there was a man barking out “Don’t Panic!!!! Don’t Panic!!!!  The rabble in the school seemed alright, they weren’t running around in all directions, screeching with their hair flying behind them like they do in American films.

I am going away for the weekend so I will sign off now and tell you all about it when I come back.  Have fun.  I know the weather ‘s improving (although Ojairi says next week its going to get warm again)   so hopefully you will all get to go to the chalets.

11:30

Got a huge wave of pain and rushed to the side. There was a helluva big explosion and, yes, immediate relief.  Don't know what to do about the green mess down the side of the ledge though.  Must be because I'm now a man.

Elevenses

Woke up with a terrible tummy.  Had to stick my tail over the side.  No luck, nothing happened. Must be constipation.  Feel awful.  Maybe it’s because I discovered that I’m a man.  Just realized that there is a little pile growing in the bedroom.  I might have to move to the middle of the ledge.  Don’t know what to do about the sparrow that keeps bothering me, especially since I think I might be a man.

Groaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn

I think I am a man! Groaaaaaaaaan! Back to sleep..............

Aliensssssss!

Last night I didn’t really feel like partying especially since I had a hangover and also, this morning I had spent an inordinate amount of time stocking up on grains and the like. But sometime around 9PM I changed my mind and headed out. I was passing over the hospital when I noticed these very bright, coloured lights far up in the sky that were getting closer and closer and bigger and bigger. ‘A plane?’ I wondered but no, it couldn’t be as it was not moving horizontally. A helicopter? No, it was too far away.  Superpigeon? Hmmm, a possibility, but what about the lights.  And then, suddenly, it was on top of me, there was a blur, a deafening noise, gale like wind, and then I was out and  the last I remember is coming too, lying on my back on a shiny, cold table with bright lights shining into my eyes, blinding me. I could just make out a faint silhouette of figures bent over me, chattering away in what sounded like nonsense to me.  Then they were poking and prodding and they brought this big flat screen that moved across me, scan like, and then the very bright lights went out and I could see the figures clearly.  I wanted to scream in shock but I couldn’t find my voice, I was frozen because, staring down at me were three lizard looking green creatures, with forked tongues snaking in and out of their mouths, chattering away in some incomprehensible lizard chat.  Suddenly, there was a roar, a great vibration and shaking and we literally shot away.  I could see out of the big window to my left and I could see this blue ball getting smaller and smaller and smaller. Suddenly, everything stopped, I went out like a light and the next thing I knew, I was back on my perch.  I had been abducted by a UFO.

What a weekend!!!!

Went back to the usual party this weekend and met a tranny there who then invited me to a very hush hush party held by his tranny friends. What a party! There were pigeons in boa feathers, claws painted, beaks lacquered and did they dance! Heavens above!!! They were gyrating with their boas, I was with my friend Suzie Pigeon and we were dancing in between all the gyrating trannies when this tall masculine pigeon came and joined us. He was followed very quickly by a tranny who was making advances to the ‘man’ but the man ignored him and danced with us so the tranny went off in a huff and plonked himself down in a corner to sulk.

There was a skylight above us and we all saw this big male pigeon and he looked like he was going to take a leak. ON US!!!! There was a shriek and everyone was pushing and shoving to get out of the way (except for a couple of wierdos who looked like they were looking forward to it)

Got home at 5AM feeling like hell and sat on my perch with my bottom over the side of the ledge, just in case there was an accident while I was sleeping.

(Oh! Just remembered, Sunday morning, school starts. The usual hordes turned up early and I thought that when I had had enough sleep, I would go and bombard them.

Doesn’t anyone uh like talk proper like anymore

The parties are getting slightly out of order, uh like (I admire Paris Hilton and like Lourdes, Madonna’s daughter); it is getting, like, overcrowded so I presume someone must be, uhhh like,  putting the word out about our parties. I am worried that the security forces, like, will be on to us, like,  you know what they are like here, they just have to, uh like,  HEAR the word party and they like,  get their knickers in a twist. Nobody’s allowed to have fun.  They don’t want to have fun , like, (not publicly at least) so nobody else is allowed to. Everyone like  has to do as they do and that’s that, uh like. They are, like, such a bunch of miseriguts. Anyway, uhhhh like, I have drifted from the subject, like, the parties are getting crowded.    Too much noise! LIKE!

Still recovering!!!!

Been partying non-stop since my last entry.  Don’t expect any other entries until I recover.  Don’t worry, I’m fine, just slightly legless and I lost a feather or two in a scuffle for the “party food” and, more’s to the point “drink”. Those sparrows kept getting under our feet and tripping us.  Some of the pigeon thugs were elbowing their way through us, pinching our derrieres and hoovering everything up.