Gala?????

I went to the queen’s ‘Gala’ dinner last night.  I just flew into the Diamond Ballroom in the Sheraton and perched myself on the huge crystal chandelier, right above the Queen’s table (practising my aim).  Gala Dinner?  Alright, I enjoyed myself, but what a shambles.  We were all waiting expectantly for her to arrive and when she did, it sort of went pffrrrrrttttttt: it was lame.   It was limp and that was mainly because she was surrounded by a squadron of photographers who should have been barred from entry into the ballroom and as a result, no one could see her.  I dropped a ‘souvenir’ on the Shaya plate to show my displeasure.  There was a bit of bustle and confusion next and after a video presentation, the queen gave a speech.  I must say, the queen was very beautiful and elegant.  To show my pleasure, I dropped a souvenir into the bowl of pesto on the main table.

The next best thing about the evening was the violinist who played very jazzed up 1970s Arabic classics.  He was very skilled and played with passion.  His accompanists were good too.

But the housewives, the housewives.   First of all, the housewives (no offence meant to housewives, I am using the term as a euphemism for ‘nothing better to do airheads’) the housewives,.   One of the housewives looked like she had done herself up like a little girl with curly locks falling to her shoulder (so I left a little souvenir on one of her locks), another housewife looked like a herpes blister (so I left a souvenir on her shouder) and yet another hovered around the ballroom aimlessly, trying to keep herself as close to the queen as possible (I tried to leave her a souvenir but she flitted around too fast).

The audience/guests seemed quite nice although one or two of them stood out.   For example, there were the Q sisters who haven’t changed their ‘look’ for the past 25 years and are starting to look a bit dusty and frayed around the edges.   One of them has her hair tied very tightly back from her face, just as she has done for 25 years but whereas in the past, it was the fashion, she probably does it now to keep her skin wrinkle free.   Then there was the table of the housewives’ best friends who were positioned strategically and who were all similarly caked with make-up that seemed to crack under the spotlights (I gave them a few souvenirs to help them fill in the cracks) .   What a bunch of miseries they were.   They kept ordering the waiters around with waves of the hand, looking self important and quite dragon like, you know, like old dowagers although they weren’t old enough to be dowagers; stern faces and stiff postures.   I’m sure not one of them actually paid for their table but were placed there as a favour by the housewives.

There was an auction and Queenie left in the middle of the auction which prompted over 80% of the guests to get up and leave resulting in an auction in the second half that had no people!

To sum up: a flop but I had fun being a bitch.